Hey guys. So sorry I disappeared for a bit! I’m back and I promise you’ll be seeing more of me over the next several months on here. Anyway.. I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I wanted to share a few of my thoughts with you. I hope they bring you the comfort and inspiration they have given me.
Some people have luck… some people have money. Me? I have neither, BUT… I have a lot of determination and fight. This has proven to be a useful thing at times, however, when you get too accustomed to struggling against the odds your whole life, you come to realize after a while that fighting is a lot different than living. I learned this the hard way.
Over the past few years I went through a series of losses – family members.. band members.. friends.. students. As they say.. “when it rains it pours”. I tried not to wallow. Instead I wrote a lot of songs, made an album and poured my heart into my music, determined to rise up and overcome. Although having a dream did help me to focus, constantly working started to take its toll on my state of mind.
Of course that didn’t stop me. I continued to work. and work. and work. and WORK. See, if I was working, I wouldn’t have to deal, so I became a non-stop machine, driven to make my dreams come true. However, instead of creating happiness, I became frustrated and dissatisfied with everything. I started to get sick regularly. I couldn’t find pleasure in my accomplishments or see the truth of my successes. Somehow, while I was working and fighting, I managed to stop living.
Thankfully, two weeks ago I realized a bold truth. What good is working and fighting and struggling ALL of the time if I’m still not happy? Isn’t the point of life to enjoy it? To embrace it? To have something to recall fondly when you look back at your past? Is it not just as important to partake in life as it is to observe it?
This simple epiphany made me wake up and realize that I desperately needed to make a change. As a result, for the past few weeks I’ve been doing at least one nice thing for myself a day. I’m eating healthier. Spending more time with friends. Doing things alone like seeing movies, reading, or just taking in a beautiful day sitting in silence. In a nutshell, I’ve started making the time to live my life again. Since I’ve been doing this I can’t help but notice that I’m sleeping better. The sun seems a little brighter, the sky a little bluer, my man is a bit more loving, my music is a bit more passionate.. more gigs are coming my way. All because I realized the value of living my life.
It seems silly, but the truth is, you can choose to be unhappy by depriving yourself of what is good for you, spending your days blaming the world for everything you haven’t done, OR…. you can hold onto the reins of your life, choosing to be responsible for yourself, and invite true happiness to enter into the picture. It all comes down to a choice. To be or not to be. Indeed that is the question.
There’s a great quote that I think sums up this very concept – “What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life.”
I challenge all of you to go on this journey with me. Make it a priority to do one good thing for yourself a day and see where it leads you. Let’s ENJOY this life together shall we?
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
That is perfect Katy,
I too let the struggles of my past overwhelm me to the point of barely functioning. I held feelings of guilt and sadness so close to me, like a trophy for enduring traumas and difficulties that I struggled with my entire life.
Only a few months ago did I realize the same things you speak of – why do I continue to exist unhappily in a life that was given to me to embrace and to live fullly? I began focusing on the good parts of me, and as a result, I’ve learned more about who I am as a person, and have become strong in the belief that I am ok! I let go of things in my life that bring me stress, and have learned to trust myself and my strength, and to learn that I AM a good person.
I now wake up happy every day… for no reason other than the realization that I AM a good person and I add value to the world around me whether it is only in a small way (most days), or a big way (not as often, but just as important).
Being this happy every day at first was the oddest feeling for me, and i wondered if all this positivity would evaporate as quickly as it came. But I learned to trust myself – another new thing
And now, I am in charge and am whole. There IS beauty in every day life.
After reading your blog, I am going to embrace this goodness just a bit further and make the changes that you’ve made too. To take a moment for myself every day, to be still and observe, and know that I AM strong, and good.
Take Care girl, and keep on living with grace and the full happiness that you deserve.
This is great. SO simple – and yet so easy to forget. really miss you.