I woke up this morning and I felt heavy.. tired.. preoccupied. It was odd because there is nothing going on in my life right now to put me in that mood, but nonetheless it was there. I tried to shake it off and went through the grey snowy day feeling lethargic and slow. And then it hit me… it was February 25th.. Of course..
Even though it might seem like just an ordinary day to most people.. to me, February 25th is the day I lost a very good friend of mine in Milwaukee WI. His name was Aaron Tanner and he was just 27 when he was shot and killed in broad daylight on just another Sunday afternoon.
Aaron and I went to high school together and just like most high school kids, sometimes we loved each other, some times we hated each other – but somewhere in between we forged a meaningful friendship that lasted longer than I think either of us had imagined. Even though he teased me and punched me and endlessly picked me up and deposited me in the sink of the boys bathroom (cuz I was REALLY small then), he was a good friend to me when I needed him, and there were times when I needed him a lot. In a way, we became family and I made sure to be his rock through some really hard years.
It’s so strange to think back to those years we shared together, both of us just trying to figure out how to get through the awkwardness of life. I never thought for one second that he wouldn’t get the chance to grow up and discover who he was – accomplish his dreams – get married – have a family.. all of the things we daydreamed about as kids. At that age it seems like we’ll all live forever.. invincible.. frozen in time.
When I decided to move to NY, most of the people in my life were against it. They were scared for me – convinced I would get eaten alive. There was no way a young girl from WI could go to NYC without getting mugged or shot on the streets – that’s what it was like on TV. But there was one person in my life who encouraged me, supported me and in many ways helped me find the strength to go. Aaron Tanner. He was scared too… so scared in fact that the day before I left he gave me a pep talk telling me what NOT to do if something went wrong in NYC. There is one point within that conversation that will haunt me for the rest of my life. He said to me, “if someone tries to mug you, don’t run.. just give them your wallet… your wallet is not worth your life.”
Several years later, I got a phone call letting me know that Aaron had been murdered by 3 young boys who pulled up to him on the street, got out of the car, pointed a gun in his face and tried to steal his wallet. Instead of giving it to them, he ran .. and they shot him. Minutes later he died. The boys weren’t even 18 years old.
“your wallet is not worth your life”..
It had been a few years since I had spoken with Aaron. We’d had a small falling out because he was on a bad path for a while and I couldn’t bear to watch him self destruct. But just weeks before he died, I had heard he had turned his life around and was on his way to becoming a composer for video games.. he was engaged.. he was happy. We were both trying to get in touch with each other to reconnect. Never getting that chance was heartbreaking. And then I found a letter he had sent me when I first moved to NYC. A letter I have saved and somehow kept with me through all of the moves and transitions in my life. A letter I will always keep close to my heart. In it he said….
“Inside this envelope you should find a check for $25.00. I have always wanted to go to NY and buy a sandwich at a deli and get a cup of coffee. I was hoping you could go to a deli and get that sandwich and write back to me on how it was. Or you can spend the money in another way, you MUST however spend it on something that will make you happy ok? I hope you will not forget how deeply I feel towards you and that you are being safe!! DO NOT get too relaxed. I don’t want to have to worry about you. And one more thing, if you are ever in trouble, need money, airfare, clothing, a soft shoulder, that’s what I’m here for. Don’t hesitate to ask.
Ps.. Men err as long as they do strive” – (God to Satan in Faust) – in essence – DO NOT GIVE UP!! I am proud do have you as my friend”
This is the reason my first album was dedicated to Aaron Tanner, and that he is thanked in every album I have made and will ever make. When I get depressed, I think of his words and his love and I keep going.. sometimes for him, and sometimes for me. I will never know why he didn’t take his own advice that fateful day. Regardless, this day, February 25th will never be just an ordinary day. I suppose I will always wake up feeling heavy in my heart, for it is the day I lost a dear friend.
In memory of Aaron Thomas Tanner – 2/25/2001
Songwriters are like parents. We bring a song into the world and then let it pave its own way as we step aside to watch it grow. And just like most parents, we only hope that our child is able to have a beautiful life of its own and that it can somehow make a difference in this world. Unlike most parents however, we do this hundreds of times during our lifetime and rarely ever get the opportunity to know how our music truly affects others.
For me, I write about my experiences and my truth, and I don’t hide anything in my music or my lyrics.. I don’t sugarcoat or make excuses. I am a perfectly flawed person and I’ve finally reached a place in myself where I can find comfort in admitting it. Of course it can be a fairly vulnerable feeling, putting your heart on the line, not really knowing how people will respond or react. But as an artist, you learn that much of your path consists of throwing yourself off a cliff hoping that you can fly, or at least hoping that if you hit the ground, someone will be there to catch you.
Because of this, I live my life not expecting much back in return. I simply hope that people will love my music as much as I do, but most often I never know how most listeners really feel. However, I received a gift after my CD release that was by far the most thoughtful and poignant gift I have ever been given. A small group of my fans got together and made me a scrap book full of stories, poems, pictures, and videos that they had created out of the inspiration they gained from listening to my music.
I sat down the day after the show and spent time with that book – taking in the voice of each writer.. laughing… crying, and feeling so incredibly grateful that these wonderful fans shared their own gifts with me. So I want to say a very special thank you to Kait, Jen, Priscilla, Christine, Kat and Nicole. You guys gave me something that is so rare in my life – the gift of being able to be on the other side of the table, enjoying your art and being inspired by YOU! You also gave me the invaluable gift of knowing that I was appreciated and understood and that my babies grew up and made me proud.
I wish I could share all of the words in this scrapbook with everyone – but I’m quite certain these up and coming, awesome artists will be sharing all of their talents with the world soon on their own. However, I wanted to leave you with one poem from this book that hit me incredibly hard due to the reasons I wrote the song it was inspired by. Reading this poem was very healing for me and perhaps it will be for you as well.
LOST AT SEA
by Christine Rickitts
Can you forgive me for the mistakes
I have made in my unbridled haste?
For the secrets I have kept close to my chest,
for all those things I now regret?
How often you offered me your care
as I ranted, belligerent in my despair.
How I wish I had been able to hear your voice
and not given in to so deceiving a choice.
But I could not bear the pain in my heart
as it tore me to pieces, part by grieving part.
Even as I watched you lift your head to sing,
broken and undone, I could not hear a thing.
I beg of you now, forgive me please.
Whisper it to the wind or tell me in dreams.
Name a place, close your eyes, and there I will be
though by Heaven’s gaze I am lost at sea.
So wow, last night was my cd release party at Le Poisson Rouge and it just may have been one of the best nights of my life. The room was packed with AMAZINGLY supportive wonderful people and I was blessed to be onstage with some of the best talent in NYC. It truly doesn’t get much better than that.
In all of the excitement, and even though I wrote a cheat sheet of things I was supposed to talk about on stage on the palm of my hand (yes I really did do that.. I’m still 12), there were still a few people that slipped through the cracks that I forgot to give a proper shout out too. It’s really hard to remember everything in those very important moments.. so I wanted to tell you guys about those folks right now, so you can know just how imperative they were in this whole process for me.
Mostly, I need to thank my manager Marsy Robinson. Marsy doesn’t like it when I make a big fuss about her in public, but this isn’t really public so there. 
When I met Marsy a few years back, I was in a space where I was very discouraged.. I had been hoofing it in NYC trying to make something happen with my music for a while and getting nowhere. I can honestly say that she completely infused me with the reassurance and confidence that I had lost and really pushed me to keep growing and expanding. It’s so rare to meet someone that you can trust completely, but Marsy is that person for me. My rock, my dear friend and my absolutely kickass manager. Everything you’ve seen me accomplish over the past few years is due to her hard work and dilligence behind the scenes and her unending support of me and my music. She is the BEST!
I also want to thank the musicians who played with me – Aaron Comess, Richard Hammond, Gene Back, Patrick Doane, Jeannie Oliver, Alice Hamlet, Morgan Paige, Abby Ahmad and last but not least, the incredible Scott Chasolen whom I mistakenly (and so stupidly) forgot to introduce as my keyboardist last night. I’m so sorry Scott – you were wonderful!!! This crew of people rehearsed their butts off and delivered a performance that I couldn’t have been more proud of. Thanks guys! And also to the additional choir members that joined me on Epitaph – Mike Messer, Joshua Kobak, Dane Hoyt, Becky Bliss, Sydney Ransom, Adrienne Asterita, and Lindsay Lavin – thank you guys for singing gloriously for my poppa.
I also want to thank a small group of my fans who took the time to make me a beautiful scrap book full of their own thoughts and feelings. I have never been more touched and I will cherish your gift forever. Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart. And also to my dear friend Alexandra who flew in all the way from Amsterdam to be there for me last night. I tell you – friends like that are few and far between and are like gold. I love you all.
Honestly, the show last night was truly more than I could’ve hoped for and I am overjoyed and relieved and full of about 4 billion other emotions in regards to it. Even though it’s just an album, the making and completion of MIGHTY KATE was so much more than that for me. It is proof that art can help us survive – that the human spirit is stronger than we believe it is – and that there are never too many obstacles to stand in the way of a dream. If you dream it, there is a way to make it happen – it may not be easy, but there is always a way. I will never forget all that I went through to make this album, nor will I forget this incredible time of my life. I am so proud to have put my heart into this record. I hope you enjoy.
My most important thank you goes to all of you reading this blog. Thank you so much for supporting and believing in me – some of you for so many years. I truly felt MIGHTY last night on so many levels, and I promise you this is only the beginning for little ole me. I hope there will be so many more years to come that we can share music and life together – I intend to be here for a LONG time.
And just so you know – if you weren’t at the show, I did have photos taken and also recorded the whole performance. Once we get the audio/video together, I’ll be sharing that with all of you. Thank you again, and away we go!
So, it’s 2 days away from my cd release party and I honestly can’t believe I’m here. I keep thinking I should be nervous, or anxious, or something.. but instead I just feel excited and… ready. And it’s funny, because I can think back to different times in my life when I swore to everyone that I was ready, but in truth, I wasn’t ready. I was just impatient. frustrated. tired. But now, after the long and arduous journey I’ve taken to stand in this skin with these thoughts and this heart, I can finally tell the difference.
Thankfully, for the first time ever, ready means ready.
And I’ve had a lot of suprises and obstacles thrown at me the past few weeks. I lost my backup singer due to surgery and had to have a last minute substitute, Abby Ahmad, step in for me. However, Abby is an amazing singer songwriter herself and it’s been a joy to add her into this mix. A happy accident indeed. I also lost one of my violinists this week due to another emergency surgery. For a few days I was afraid there was some sort of curse on the ladies in my band – 2 girls out for surgery in the same week is pretty weird, but I found a substitute violinist named Patrick Doane who plays beautifully and who saved the day. In the end, it all worked itself out. This is the product of a major lesson learned.. Katy of the past might of freaked out about losing 2 band members just weeks before the show, but today Mighty Kate has learned to simply trust. It’s a good feeling.
If you guys do have a few extra thoughts and prayers to send to my 2 lovely ladies that have been through surgery (and are doing find btw) Nisha Asnani & Jessie Nelson, that would be awesome.
I’ve also been sick for a week now with a respiratory infection, but each day I get stronger and am getting much better at phlegm management. lol. I’m hoping that by the day of the show I’ll be singin like a bird. However, whatever happens it what will be. All I know is that I will give the best show I can for myself and for all of the people who believe in me. Phlegm or not phlegm.. the show will go on!
To be honest.. I think part of being ready is accepting. Accepting whatever comes your way, embracing it and riding it’s wave. My arms get too tired when I row against the current… today I’m riding in the flow and no matter I end up, this time I intend to enjoy the ride.
2 more days.. and I’m ready.
It’s February of 2010, and in a way I’m starting this year with a clean slate. I’ve been going through a transformation for the past 2 years and somehow, thankfully, I have arrived here reborn… not just by name, but from the inside out. That being said, the time has arrived…. I have officially become MIGHTY KATE.
For those of you who have known me and followed me for years, you know that I am, and will always be, Katy Pfaffl in heart and spirit, but now I can be a bit more than that, no longer tied down to the silent P, three F’s and only one… yep.. only one vowel that is my crazy last name. Becoming Mighty Kate has offered me freedom, and for the first time in years, it’s given me a renewed hope and excitement in all that lies ahead of me.
Consider this blog, this website, this album, and this time, as the beginning of what I hope will be a long road in a life that has always had it’s twists and turns – it’s darkness and it’s bright, shining moments. In this blog I will be sharing my deepest thoughts, words, ideas, frustrations, and observations of this life. I hope as you read it we can become friends, and when you listen to my music, you can listen with an understanding that rings true to your own heart.
Thank you for coming here and thank you for listening and giving me the opportunity to follow a dream, and to work as hard as I can to make it come true. If you like what you find in this blog, on this site, in the music I create…. please share it with others. In this day and age, your word means everything. It is the voice of the Listener. Without you, I could not be. And for you, I am forever grateful.
I can’t wait for my cd release and to begin this incredible journey with all of you.
Stay tuned
Always
MK
